join us on FACEBOOK

If you prefer pictures and bite-sized texts to long emails, following Eggshell Therapy and Coaching's Facebook Page would be a great way to stay in touch. Each post is about 400-800 words. Think of them as ‘bite-size consolation’ and a way to stay in touch with the community!

I hope to see you there.

Imi x

 

 
SOAR

Dear intense and gifted ones,you no longer have to play small to be safe.

Look around you- look carefully and lucidly at your current reality.Feel how firmly your feet are rooted to the ground and the tremendous resilience in your roots. It is now safe to stand up for yourself and to stand in your full glory.

If anyone attack you, gaslight you or manipulate the situation,you can see it so clearly that you are immune to such maneuvers.

If anyone put you down, spread rumors about you, you can trust that your true self and integrity will eventually shine through the smokescreen.

If anyone questions “Who do you think you are?’You say: “ A humble soul who dares to be real.”

The false authorities of your past no longer have power over you. You are free from the tyranny of toxic envy or competition.You are no longer haunted by the threat of abandonment or rejection. You no longer have to play the black sheep role they gave you.You no longer need to use false humility, self- denigration, inner critic, self- sabotage, to protect yourself from your light.

Look around you: Most of us are too busy enjoying the love, kindness, creativity you have to offer than to judge you.

The world is ready to celebrate your beauty, your success, your glory.

Soar.
 
mohamed-nohassi-739370-unsplash.jpg
 
60719057_1171626896344333_5550577942486056960_n.jpg
EMBRACE YOUR ‘GROWING PAIN’

Intense people are fast-growing creatures.
It is in your nature to rapidly outgrow people, things, and places.

When you feel compelled to initiate a change— a breakup, a resignation, a relocation, it almost always feels like your only choice.
Sometimes, you wish you were more easily content.

Even your mind knows it is the right path, you experience a myriad of complex emotions.
Your excitement might be shielded by anxiety, grief, guilt and loneliness.

But what would you prefer? To look back at your life and realise you have wasted time in a career, relationship or process that have expired?
Or would you rather know that you had always left at the right time, even when it was momentarily disconcerting?

Sometimes, you have to embark on paths that bring tremendous guilt.
You feel as though you have betrayed, left behind, abandoned your family and friends.

But what would you prefer? To betray your truth for false loyalty, trading your authenticity for group harmony? Can you really feel you belong when you cannot be yourself? When a relationship feels like a trap, is it true love or symbiosis?

As a truth seeker, a multipotentialite, a fierce lover and a borderless world citizen, your existence itself is a challenge to those around you.

’You have changed,’ say your friends. You feel guilt-tripped, but you must know the pain of shedding what you have outgrown is more honourable to bear than the resentment from being held back.

’Your choices do not make any sense,’ say your parents. You feel criticised and judged, but we must penetrate their words to the truth behind. They are confined not just by a limited worldview, but profound anxiety over what happens to you. Their invalidation is a clumsy expression of love, though sadly it leaves you feeling betrayed and isolated.

And then, of course, there are the costs of experimentation.

As an optimiser, you push limits and test boundaries. You cannot help but know what is lacking and envision the ideal. You strive to be the change you wish to see. Sometimes, you experience a painful push back. You feel disappointed and disheartened, but it does not mean you are not on the right path.

”I have not failed 1,000 times. I have successfully discovered 1,000 ways to not make a light bulb;” this is a line attributed to Thomas Edison. Your path is made up of a series of experimentations, though to the untrained eyes it looks like ruthlessness or impulsivity. This is how lightbulbs get invented and how revolutions start.

I know this is not an easy path; it is precarious, lonely and at times, despairing.

But this is your path.

If for you growth is more important than comfort;
If you couldn’t help but always see the bigger picture;
If you feel trapped easily;
If you are inspired by beauty and justice;
If you are a truth seeker and couldn’t stand hypocrisy;
Then I am afraid growing pain is a part of your path.

Just because it is called ‘pain’ doesn’t mean it is bad.
Within this unique species of pain comes excitement, adventures, and at times ecstasy.
The world does not need you to slow down or to be silent.
It is not your job to make everyone comfortable.
Rather than trying to negate growing pain, embrace it.
Remind yourself that your grief, guilt and fear are symptoms of growth.
Be proud of your accelerated path.
You will always be in transition, but you will learn to dance in the flux. It is your natural habitat.

The mountain top is for souls courageous that are enough to take the steps.

🌊

“I must be a mermaid, Rango. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”
― Anaïs Nin
juan-cruz-mountford-559414-unsplash.jpg
FINALLY, IT IS SAFE TO FEEL SAFE 🍂

Our brain often confuses hiccups in life with actual threats.
The train does not turn up on time.
We feel trapped, claustrophobic, or so enraged that it takes over everything.
Something does not go according to plan— a change in schedule, an invitation we did not expect.
We become disoriented, anxious, overwhelmed.
Someone breaks their promises.
We feel badly betrayed, resentful, even momentarily losing faith in humanity.
Our friends or partner do not return our calls.
We assume the worst, jumping to the conclusion that we have been deserted, and abandoned.
Our manager does not respond to us warmly or give us the recognition we hope for.
We feel criticised, diminished, rejected, and let shame consume our entire sense of self.

If we have been overwhelmed too early, too soon in the past,
we might be carrying the repercussion of a hyper-vigilant system.
We might have a history of having to depend on inconsistent and unreliable adults,
so now we feel we cannot trust anyone with anything.
We might have been trapped in a predicament with no escape— a deprived or abused childhood before we have the autonomy to break free,
so we quickly get brought back into deep helplessness and despair when life throws us a challenge.
Even with a good enough childhood environment,
Our mammalian brain is still wired to constantly screen for danger, preparing for the tiger that was never there.

Indeed, there is no smoke without fire.
Life is not ripple-free.
Uncertainty is the reality.

We might think we are walking down one path, but we are never sure what is around the corner.
Even when in good health, sickness and accidents could be lurking.
Even in the most committed relationships, people can change their mind, or be taken away from us by sickness, accidents or death.
As the Buddhist precept posits, impermanence is a fact of life, and change is our only constant.

Inner peace is not achieved by controlling the world, so nothing falls out of place, but in reconciling with the givens of life.
The sooner we could come to terms with the fact that we cannot control the world, the freer we become.

Our level of joy, inner peace and worldly success are all proportionate to the degree to which we can tolerate uncertainty, celebrate changes and dance in chaos.

Life is a swinging door.
We are continually losing something, but also gaining something;
We will always be grieving something, but also making room for something.

*

Discomfort is not dangerous.

What happens in times of crisis, is that we relate to uncertainty with the psyche of a scared, dependent child, believing that we would not be able to survive whatever life throws at us.

It takes a conscious effort for us to rewire our brain, and to wake up to our current reality.

The chance is, my dear especially extraordinary intense and sensitive souls,

You have been autonomous, competent and independent for years now, only that you do not realise it.

You were in the role of a warrior from a young age, and have been managing the impossible.

Even when it was not apparent on the surface, you were emotionally minding and taking care of not only yourself but also those around you.

You have been riding the wave of chaos all your life.

The key is to not just conceptually, but also viscerally embody- be in the body of - your adult self.

Through self-awareness, the presence of a supportive other, and consistent practice,
you can close the gap between who you think you are, and who you actually are.
To the adult you, the threats are not as big, or as near as the fearful child feels them to be.

Life may not be bullet-proof, but undoubtedly good enough for us to make room for joy, beauty, delights and pleasure.

The worst really is over.
It is safe to feel safe now.
Safe enough, finally, for us to open our hearts.
If we can flow with the flux,
we will be able to hold the pain and seize the bliss.
We can have a full feast.

<3
Caring for our mind is like caring for our home.

The work is never really done. Just when you have fixed your broken oven, paint falls off the wall. 
Just as you finished renovating one room, something else pops up.

But we don’t just abandon our house. When your toilet breaks, you don’t just ignore it. 
When the light bulb goes off, you don’t pretend it is not happening. 
We inhabit it so it is our obligation to care for it, love it, and accept all of it. 
And that is how we should care for our mind. 
Whatever you shame, deny, and push away is only going to get worse.
In one way or another, it will find a way to get your attention.

But hey, it is not all doom and gloom. 
However old, messy and imperfect, it is rewarding you every day with warmth, beauty and joy.

Welcome home.
 
 
Dear ones,

There are these days
Where you feel weak, and fearful, and sad.
Nothing disastrous has happened.
But you care too much about something to not feel paralysed by the fear of losing it.
You love too much to not feel anguish over the inevitable separation.

Here is what you do:
You let go.
Let go, let go, let go.
Radically let go of everything that matters.
Surrender to the possibility of losing all that you care about.
You are free when you return to zero
When you remember that you came to the world with nothing and will leave with nothing.
When you can love everything, and be attached to nothing.
Let go as much as you can, until you hit that place:
This, this one here, I simply cannot. CANNOT. Let. Go. Of.

Then, let go of the fact that you cannot let go anymore.

To get through a day like this
Imagine you are a child again, learning how to crawl.
And so you wobble forward.
Wobble, wobble, wobble, one step at a time
With all the vulnerability and tenderness, all the impending losses, sickness and death.

Suddenly, you turn around and realise that
Things cannot be any better or worse.
It’s your only reality, your only truth.

And you are not alone in this strange predicament.
To the Special One:
When you are feeling down because the world misunderstands you, or judge you
Or envy you, or lock you in isolation
I do not know what to say
Apart from telling you how precious you, and your sensitivity, and your intensity are.
It is your idiosyncrasies that make you powerful
It is your ability to see beauty everywhere
Your daringness to dive into love and life
Your tendency to get obsessively attached and infatuated with people and subjects and objects
Your heart that feels compelled to say ‘I love you’ before anyone else does
These things make your existence itself a miracle from God.
You do not have to ‘be nice’, ‘calm down’, ‘think less’, ‘chill out’.
Please, please please do not dull your sparkles.
Especially in political times like this
When the world is in collective pain
We desperately needs you to step up
So we can all learn to be more like you
And start seeing each other eye to eye again.
I said I didn’t know what to say but see? This is how much you inspire 😉
x
 
BE A LIGHT TRAVELLER IN LIFE

Suddenly, winter is here.
With the confine of language, when we speak of ‘autumn’ and ‘winter’, we think of them as definitive concepts.
In reality, if we could pay close attention to anything in nature, it is continuously, moment by moment, shifting and changing.

‘Winter’ and ‘autumn’ are not separate entities.
There is not one moment where we can pinpoint as upon which autumn turns into winter.

There is a fluidity to the true nature of all things.
They are not as solid as they seem.

As a season comes, it is already going.
As a leaf starts to flourish, it is also decaying.

It is the same with our lives.

We can seek consolation in the truth that:
As a bad day, a bad patch, a bad experience comes, it is already on its way out.
As a painful feeling arises, it is already in the progress of ceasing.

But the same could be said about the things we consider ‘good’.
In life, there is no gurantee that anything will last forever.
If we worry too much about losing what we love, we are paradoxically not able to enjoy what is here.
So at best we can, we ought not to hold on too tightly.
Think of good fortune and ecstasy as things we ‘borrow’ from the Universe.
When they enters our world, we enjoy them thoroughly, with our full body and mind.
When it is time for us to ‘return’ them, we gracefully do so.

If we consistently practise the skill of non-grasping and fluid living,
we do not have to be swayed by the storms of big highs and lows.
What is left is an undercurrent of tranquillity, steady joy and mounting resilience.

Let’s be a light traveller in life.
We often forget how limited our perspective might be. We have a hard time relinquishing control, because of a deep-rooted belief that we must work hard to earn what we need and to fight in a world of scarcity.

Yet we all have the experience of negative events turning out to be a life-changing gift that is revealed only in hindsight.

The situation cannot resolve or heal itself until you fully release it to some unforeseeable force that is beyond your own perception.

Sometimes, when you lose your ‘dream’, you win your destiny.

And maybe this is one of those times.
Just maybe.
Try to trust, just for once.
What’s there to lose?

Yes, being gifted means you have certain high abilities, but that comes with very specific needs that if ignored, will create physical and mental illness.

If you are emotionally or intellectually gifted but fail to recognise it as such, you may fail to respect your own need for solitude, reflection, agency, and autonomy. You may shame yourself for being different, for not being able to conform.

Being able to honour your reverence for authenticity is essential to your growth and wellbeing.

Dear sensitive ones,

Your natural tendency is to give, to love, and to share, and expressing yourself is a birth right. Your ability to combine deep feelings with an active intellectual mind makes you capable of making powerful and impactful contribution the world needs.

When you are not aligned with your sense of purpose, and if your creativity is being stifled by your need to shrink and hide, you would end up feeling sick, stagnated, empty, and resentful. The frozenness inside you keep you feeling empty and numb, as if life is going pass by without you living it.

And that really hurts.

x
On staying open to our experience:

Openness does not mean passivity or being a doormat. It doesn’t mean you don’t do what is necessary to protect yourself and honour your sensitivity.

However, we acknowledge life itself is far from perfect, people and events are never just good or bad. In order to have the good, we must learn to cope with the bad.

If we are so afraid of our negative emotions that we keep shrinking our world, ultimately what we do is we hold ourselves back from the limitless possibilities and joy life has to offer.

Try and stay open, tender, and soft, to whatever life throws at you.


It gets easier, I promise.